how do you determine how determined you are?

How do you determine how determined you are?

Silly question - if you want something really badly, you make up your mind to get it. You become resolute in your quest. But that then begs the question, is one then considered stubborn if one is determined

to have one’s way,
to get what one wants
to do what one wants to do
to do what one thinks is right

or would that be considered selfish!

I found myself right out of my comfort zone having to put my thoughts down on paper for all to see! It was a daunting task! It is somehow much easier to speak my thoughts........ But, nevertheless, it was my turn to contribute to the column.

Now, I consider myself to be a determined person – I know that I can be stubborn and selfish – but that stubbornness and selfishness refers to my individualism. Whereas the determination I speak of, is that which is borne out of the relationships that have influenced, guided, motivated and encouraged me throughout my life.

Barry has played a powerful and determined role in my life, as I know he has in so many other lives - he has stretched me, taken me out of my comfort zone on numerous occasions, and this is where the determination to do, complete, discover, research, learn things is influenced. His ability to pinpoint hidden strengths in people, ‘tweak’ them, inspire and push them to grow was extraordinary – but I do not believe that Barry’s determination was a self-determination – it was borne out of his relationships with his parents, siblings, friends and mentors.

Everything we choose, everything we learn or do is in some way connected to other human beings.

The more fulfilled a person is the better is the quality of her or his relationships with other people. People who are fulfilled make choices based on knowledge and support garnered in a vast array of relationships – personal and public, paid and unpaid, intimate and casual.

Self-determination, on the other hand, can be looked at as being determined to do or be something without taking cognizance of other people’s views, opinions or wisdom. And that is when we separate ourselves from others. It is not more separateness that leads to vibrant lives of contribution, it is a better quality of relationship and co-operation. Independence does not lead to sovereignty in one's own life -- the right kind of relationships do!

“You gotta be determined to be determined.” --Yogi Berra

Yours Kerryn