"feed my sheep"

on Sunday I shared the story of one of my close friends. she is a committed member of her home church, serves as a society steward, plays in a worship team etc. she has been in a committed loving relationship with another woman for over 2 years. Recently they got engaged and hoped to get married in their home church. But they will not be able to because the MCSA has forbade ministers to participate in marriage or even bless such unions. Also, some leaders in the church have resigned in protest of the support these two have received from the church.

One of the interesting developments has been the fact that the ministers of this church have been criticised for lacking objectivity in dealing with the whole issue because they are friends with the couple. Which, I think, raises a very interesting issue. In our quest to "feed the sheep" (John 21) and to "care for the lambs", should we befriend people, get to know them personally, and (obviously) become "subjectively" involved in their lives? Or should we, as is being implied, remain at a critical, objective distance so that we can offer impersonal, objective advice and guidance?

This has certainly shed a lot of light for me, on the whole issue of being a minister. Should I be friends with people in the congregation, or should I keep my distance? And if I do befriend a member of the congregation, and my opinion about their choices or personal circumstances changes because of my freindship (and more intimate knowledge of their lives and circumstances), is that wrong? Is it wrong to get to know someone, and to take that knowledge into account when reflecting on how to support and guide them, as a friend or as a pastor?

One thing is clear to me: God doesn't avoid friendship. Jesus tells us that we are not servants, but friends of God! (John 15:15)

I will continue to build friendships with the people I minister to. More importantly to me than being a minsiter to you, I would first want to be a friend to you. That will most probably affect the way i see you, preach to you, counsel you, etc. It may even begin to affect what I believe and how I undestand God. And that's a risk I'm willing to take.